Wednesday, July 11, 2012

"The Green Eyed Monster" Chapter One: A Bitter Appetizer

Category: South Park
Author: NoseBridgePinch
Fan Art: John-SP150
Rated T for swearing and immature fourth grade humor
Synopsis: Wendy gets kicked out of the girl's lunch table for being preachy, she decides to sit with Stan and his friends. Hilarity ensues.

Today would be different. Grace. Poise. Confidence. Wendy could radiate all three. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." She repeated those words in her head as she entered the cafeteria. She broke away from her friends and walked to her lunch table.

She passed the fourth grade boy's table, watching her boyfriend out of the corner of her eye. He seemed engrossed in something Kenny McCormick was saying. Hmph. Not even an acknowledgement in her direction. Wendy took a seat, turning around to get a good view of Stan. All she could see from this angle was Kenny jump up and frantically wave his arms around.

 Wendy was annoyed, mostly with herself. Why should she feel negative about herself when he didn't notice her? She knew what everyone thought of her. She tried to be better. But still she was her own worst critic. "Controlling, jealous, possessive, bitch!" Was a more familiar ring in her ears instead of Eleanor Roosevelt quotes.

Kenny finally sat down again at Stan's table. She wondered what made him jump up like that, what was he saying? Knowing Kenny it was probably something disgusting. No. She wouldn't be judgmental either. She'd clear her conscience of any negative thoughts that could turn wrathful and just focus on how pretty her new lunch box was. Maybe that was bad too, made her shallow. No better than a common magpie.

But her lunch box was cute. It was white, with a smattering of real life nature photos of monarch butterflies across the front with a matching thermos. But what had made her pick it was the tag saying a portion of the proceeds would be donated to an animal conservatory in Washington D.C. Functional, cute, and helped a good cause. What could be wrong with that? If she asked enough people maybe she'd find out.

Wendy tried to push the negative thoughts out of her head as the other girls sat down around her. She frowned slightly at what was on Bebe's lunch tray as her best friend took a seat beside her. It held a small salad with no visible dressing, a banana and a fat free milk. Bebe cocked her head to the side. "What's wrong, Wendy? Why are you giving me that look?"

"Nothing. Just... No carbohydrates? Meat? Real food?"

"I'm going to lose at least five pounds before I decide to look for a new boyfriend."

Ah yes, Bebe and Clyde's fight, hiatus and seemingly permanent breakup. Bebe kept insisting she was fine and over him. But it seemed she was just putting on a brave face. Wendy picked up on Bebe not wearing anything from the flashy side of her shoe collection. Nothing sparkly, with ribbons and the only bows she saw on her feet were the ties in plain, white tennis shoes. Maybe there was something Bebe loved more than shoes, or maybe most of the flashy shoes had been purchased at her ex's father's store. Wendy didn't have any nice clothing items to remind her of Stan. Anything fancy worn in the early part of their relationship had been ruined and thrown away. The newer second part of their relationship, well they hadn't gotten very far. Wendy would have to take charge of that and fix it. Soon. She fought the urge to look over at Stan's table again and focus on her friend's problems. A small worry of Bebe's had the potential to magnify itself until Wendy would be wrestling a gun away from her hands. But when any girl was already feeling down on herself about her weight you had to approach the subject delicately. "I think you're perfectly fine the way you are, Bebe."

Bebe looked ready to respond when Heidi Turner cut in. "Let her lose all the weight she wants, she looks a little top heavy anyway."

Bebe cast her nemesis a cool glare. "I think you should watch what you say to me, we have a girl's council meeting after school."

"I'm sorry Bebe. I'm glad your diet lets you have bananas. Maybe you should include other dick shaped foods since you're good at swallowing that kind of stuff."

"Oh you poor jealous bitch." Bebe picked up the banana on her lunch tray and looked at it as if realizing for the first time what it did resemble. "I'm not hungry anymore."

"You should be thanking me then, since I'm helping you lose weight and all." Heidi grinned and practically fluttered her eyelashes.

"No, it was your ugly face that made me lose my appetite."

Bebe and Heidi glared at each other as Wendy held up her hands. "Girls, please stop. You're not helping the rights of women when we can't even get past the need to cut each other down. If a boy called you a bitch, Heidi, or you a slut, Bebe, we'd rally behind to support you. Our own jealousy is setting us back, don't you realize that?" 

Heidi was the first to break her gaze and rolled her eyes."You're being a hypocrite, Wendy."

Wendy backed down from her spiel; teeth gritted together so hard her fillings hurt. "How so?"

"You're getting so hurt calling us out on our behavior when I recall you doing the exact same thing to Bebe last semester. Your so called best friend."

"It's true, you did. After all the boys started noticing her." Red said, carefully observing the fight from behind her peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"But that was different. Even my own boyfriend was after her."

"What about the time you manipulated the Iraqi government because you thought someone was after your boyfriend?" Red seemed to gain a bit more confidence with every word as she set her sandwich down.

"What? That was a secret between me, Bebe and Kyle. I can't believe you told them!"

"You're still not explaining yourself." Heidi smirked.

"Well, the relationship was so new and I was afraid. Makeup and black leather weren't enough to compete with that substitute."

Bebe eyed the banana in her hand and snapped it in half as she turned to Wendy with narrowed eyes. "What about getting breast implants for another imaginary competition between you and me for your boyfriend?" 

"Hey Heidi was the one who called you a slut."

"How is that different? You think I'd actually do something like that to you, Wendy? It seems I grew boobs first and none of my girlfriends could ever forgive me for it! But Heidi and you take it as 'everyone hates me because I'm beautiful' thing when I just want to get along with everyone. Both the girls and boys!"

Heidi broke into a full on grin, happy to be let off the hook and always amused to know she got to Bebe. "I think the act of getting a boob job is way more offensive than anything I could call Bebe. Bravo, Wendy. Didn't you call Bebe an asshole as well? Or did you just remark on the size of it?"

Wendy chose to ignore Heidi since Bebe was becoming the bigger problem; she knew how easy it was for Bebe to go off the deep end. "Look I'm sorry for the boob job thing. Also for making you feel unwelcome at the lunch table."

"I just wish you could know how it feels." Bebe crossed her arms across her chest.

"So how did you handle it when we kicked you out of the girl's table?" Red asked.

"I cried, Rebecca. I went to the bathroom and cried. I should have gone to sit with the boys but that would have made things worse."

Wendy mimicked Bebe, crossing her arms uncomfortably across her own chest, or lack of chest in Wendy's case. The ugly scars of her botched boob job were bad enough reminder and now everyone was angry at her. "I'm trying to stand up for myself, Bebe."

"Maybe you should try backing down when you're reminded of something that hurts." Bebe snapped back at her.

"We're so sick of her holier than thou attitude maybe she should have a temporary ban from sitting with us." Heidi suggested.

"Don't talk about me like I'm not here. I know I left the girl's counsel but joined cheerleading to make up for that. Doesn't that mean anything to you, Bebe?"

Bebe ignored Wendy. "I propose a one day ban from the girl's lunch table until Wendy learns her lesson. Does that sparkle with everyone?"

A chorus of "sunshine" could be heard from the table as Wendy's mouth dropped open. It didn't take that long for her friends to turn on her.

"It's decided then." Bebe tapped her phallic shaped banana against the table like a judge's gavel.

"You can't be serious. Girls, come on." She looked to Bebe for help, but the other girl simply shook her head and took bite of her salad, continuing to ignore her.

Fine, if even her supposed best friend couldn't back her up and chose to go with a group mentality she could play along with their little game as well. Wendy shoved her half eaten food back into her lunch box and got up and left the table. She crossed the noisy lunch room. She was too prideful to go sit by herself. She refused to go to the bathroom to cry. She certainly didn't want to sit with strangers; the fifth graders in the corner seemed to be leering at her. Well if her own friends could kick her out she did have one last person she could count on. Wendy straightened her shoulders and put on her public speaking smile. The same one she used when having to give speeches in front of the class and casually strolled over to the fourth grade boy's table.

Chapter Two

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