Friday, April 20, 2012

"Dude, This is Pretty F***ed Up Right Here" Chapter 1: Writing in Style

 South Park fanfiction
Rated T for language, sexual themes, and pairings

Originally published on April 13, 2012

Stan got his Pepsi and sat down.

He didn't know how he got to Tweak's coffee shop after he ran out of school. The whole thing was just a blur. But he was glad that he had ended up here. Tweak's was as good a place as any to drown his sorrows.

How had it gotten to this point? One minute, he was the high school's star athlete despite being only a sophomore, made good grades, had three awesome friends, and a girl who loved him. Now, he was still the star athlete, still had good grades, and still had three great friends. But all he could think about was the one thing he had just lost.

He sipped the coffee, wishing that it was stronger. Maybe then he could be more like Tweek, who didn't have an ex-girlfriend to worry about. Of course, there were about a million other things that Tweek worried about, so maybe that was a bad idea. But still…


Stan turned around, and saw his best friend Kyle walk in. Good; he could sure use the company right now.
"Hey, Kyle," he said, legitimately trying to smile, but failing.

"Where have you been?" Kyle asked. "Everyone from the football team has been asking where you were."

"Yeah, I didn't go to practice."

"How come?" Kyle asked. "You're going to lose your spot."

"Wendy broke up with me."

Had Stan not been so distraught, he might have noticed something fishy about the look on Kyle's face as he said this. Stan went on.

"She said she just doesn't think that it's working. I can't figure out what I did wrong."

Kyle thought for a minute.

"Hey, Stan," Kyle said as he walked in. "What are you doing?"

"Dude," Stan said, "check this out."

"So she didn't tell you anything?" Kyle asked.

"Nope," Stan said, shaking his head. "But I think she was jealous. She said I didn't spend as much time with her as I should. Like she was suspicious of me seeing other girls."

"Well, that was unfair of her," Kyle snorted. "I don't see how you could spend more time with her. Whenever you're not at school or doing homework, you're either with her or with us."

"Yeah, I told her that," Stan groaned, shaking his head. "That just made it worse, because then she started to get jealous of you guys."

"What is it?" Kyle asked.

"It's a story about us," Stan explained. "We're so famous now that people can't wait to get more of us. So instead of just watching the show, they write about us themselves."

"That sounds cool," Kyle said.

Stan went on. "She seemed to think that I valued my time around you guys more than her."

Kyle shook his head. "She's being completely unreasonable. A guy's got to be able to spend time with both his girlfriend and his friends. She can't hog you all to herself."

"Of course not," Stan said firmly. Then he broke down again. "I just…can't believe she would do that to me."

Kyle patted him on the back. "Cheer up, will you?" he said. "If she's going to be like that, you don't want her. Make a day of it! Enjoy yourself!"

"But I don't know what to do," Stan said. "Wendy and I were going to go see a movie today."

Kyle grinned. "Well, let's go see a movie. Don't let her being a bitch spoil your afternoon."

Stan sniffed. "Okay," he agreed.

"Dude, this is lame," Kyle said.

"Yeah, I know," Stan muttered. "Wendy and I wouldn't break up over something that stupid. This is just depressing."

"And boring," Kyle added. "Where are all the disasters and crazy shit and adults being idiots? This isn't anything like our lives at all."

"And you'd think that we would be more mature in high school," Stan pointed out. "But look at me; I'm a complete wuss."

Kyle rubbed his eyes. "Well, let's keep going; maybe it gets better."

Stan had to admit: going to the movies with Kyle was a much more enjoyable experience than going with Wendy. The Hunger Games was still a good movie, but he was glad that at least Kyle didn't get mad at him when he laughed at some of the stupid parts; Wendy would always give him an annoyed look whenever he did that.

After the movie, Kenny and Cartman joined them at Stan's house to play Modern Warfare 3 for a few hours. Soon, Wendy was the last thing on Stan's mind.

Something was still bothering him, but he couldn't put his finger on it.

"Ha! I killed you again, Kenny!" Cartman yelled. "Eat bazooka, poor boy!"

"Cartman, stop picking on Kenny," Stan said. "He can't help it if he doesn't own an Xbox and can't play this game all the time and can't be as good as you."

Kenny scowled.

"Going to defend him, eh loverboy?" Cartman jeered.

Kyle glared at Cartman, but Stan suddenly became lost in thought. He and Kyle hadn't told Cartman about the breakup, so he wasn't being any more of an ass than he usually was; he had just reminded Stan of it unintentionally.

However, what he actually realized was something even more strange. Even though Cartman had just reminded him of what he had technically lost, he wasn't upset. He was still feeling some pain, but he didn't associate that pain with Wendy leaving, like she didn't actually fill that void in his life. Maybe she never did. Then what was still missing...?

"Come on," Kyle said.

"Come on," Kyle said. "It's time for you guys to leave." Amid Cartman's angry protests, Kyle shooed him and Kenny out of the he turned to Stan and said, "Well, I guess I should leave, too."

Stan checked the clock. It was 8:00 pm. Both Stan's parents were at Shelly's piano recital, and wouldn't be back for at least an hour. "You don't have to go just yet."

Kyle raised his eyebrow. "You sure it's all right?"

"Why wouldn't it be?"

Kyle looked down at his feet, obviously a little uncomfortable. "Well, I've been spending all day trying to cheer you up, but-"

"And you've done a great job," Stan assured him. "Stay a little while longer."

Kyle sat down on the couch. He had that fishy look on his face again, which Stan noticed this time. It was like he was really nervous about something. But Kyle was never nervous around Stan, right? They were best friends, weren't they?

Then it clicked. Stan knew what to do.

"Here, Kyle," he said. "Let me get you something to drink."

"Thanks," said Kyle, trying not to make eye contact.

Stan made two cups of hot chocolate, and brought them into the living room. He gave one to Kyle, who was still studying the carpet, and then sat down "You don't have to worry about it, Kyle," he finally said.

Kyle shook his head in confusion. "What?"

"About this afternoon," Stan clarified. "You were trying to make me feel better, and you did. That's nothing to feel guilty about."

Kyle denied nothing.

"Although I suppose I would probably feel the same way in your position," Stan went on. "Worried that I had done something for the wrong reasons, et cetera. And I would also be scared about things changing, because I wouldn't want my friend to suddenly feel uncomfortable around me. But it's okay."

Kyle looked up.

"I felt happier with you this afternoon than I ever did while I was dating Wendy. At first I thought I was just being distracted from the fact that I no longer had a girlfriend. But then I realized I didn't need one; I was already in love with my best friend."

Kyle and Stan looked at each other, not sure what to say. Everything was suddenly out in the open now. Stan was sure about what he felt, but he could only guess as to what Kyle was feeling.

Eventually, Kyle gave him a response. All nervousness gone, Kyle leaned over and the two of them kissed.

Kyle and Stan looked at each other, not sure what to say.

Eventually, they decided on, "What…the…fuck?"

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