Thursday, April 19, 2012

"Cartman Rising" Chapter 4: Allegiance

 South Park fanfiction
Rated T for language, some sexuality, and just Cartman in general

I walked back down into the basement to meet my recruits. Four people were waiting for me.

Butters Stotch. No surprise there; he followed me everywhere and did whatever I told him to do. And, as I said, he in particular was crucial to the plan.

Kenny McCormick. Again, no surprise. Kenny usually followed Stan and Kyle's lead, but he was always a sucker for adventure. Especially if the adventure promised lots of money and women. Which this one did.

Ike Broflovski. I had suspected he would stay after he refused to leave with Kyle, but his motivations were a little less clear. Perhaps he resented his older brother for dragging him into the black abyss of Judaism. They always seemed to get along well together, but…well, Ike is just way cooler than Kyle. It's probably because he's only a Jew by absorption and not by birth. Which means I can still save him.

And lastly was Craig Tucker. Craig…I had no clue why he was still here. Unlike the other three, I hadn't expected him to stay. What's worse, I had no idea how he could be of use to me. Butters, Kenny, and Ike all had ways they could contribute to this effort, but Craig just sucked the life out of the air wherever he went. Not good at all.

Unfortunately, a person who I had expected (and wanted) to stay wasn't there; Wendy Testaburger was nowhere to be seen. However, just because she wasn't there didn't mean she wanted to leave; she had come with Stan, so Stan could have just as easily have dragged her away without really letting her choose. Hopefully that was the case; it would be devastating to me if she had willfully chosen to leave me.

Butters, Kenny, Ike, and Craig. Not the perfect team, but it was enough to get started.

"Thank you all for staying. I know we're all going to be a great success. But first, I need your motivations. You all have to be totally committed to this, or this whole thing is going to fall apart. Butters, why don't we start with you?"

"Me?" Butters stuttered. Yes, dumbass, you. "Well, I guess it's because I want to make a difference. Yeah, it's because my father's always saying, 'Butters, you're never going to make it anywhere in life unless you apply yourself.' Then, when I make bad grades, I get grounded," he finally muttered.

Next was Kenny. "Well, I've got nothing better to do. I think this could be fun. But I'm warning you, Cartman; you better be able to deliver on what you've promised, or I'm out." Exactly what I predicted.

"What he said," Craig grunted. But unlike Kenny, it was clear he was here literally just for kicks; he had nothing to offer, while Kenny would definitely be of use, even if he didn't know it yet. Craig would probably have to be cut loose from this operation soon.

Finally, it was Ike's turn. "Well, I think that there's a lot of truth in what Cartman said; we have done a lot for this world, and we really should be recognized for it. Besides…school has gotten so boring." No doubt, school was boring for Ike because he was a genius. He was only in 8th grade, but he was nearly as smart as me (and definitely smarter than Craig). And that's why he's the most dangerous of the four; he's the only one who was smart enough to be unpredictable.

"Okay, gentlemen. What you are about to witness is the first step in our rise to power. We—"

"Whoa, hold it, Cartman," Kenny interrupted. "We've already heard this speech. You don't need to convince anyone to stay; we're already here. What's the plan?"

"If you had let finish, I would have explained that the plan is already in motion." I reveled at their confused looks, but they would soon see what I meant. "As for the rest of it, we can't discuss it yet."

"Why not?" asked Butters.

"Because we're missing a crucial member of our team. Wendy Testaburger needs to be here."

"What are you talking about?" said Kenny. "You gave her a choice, and she left."

"But I know she's not on their side," I replied. "Stan probably forced her to leave."

"It looked like she went willingly to me," Craig said. Always negative. I was starting to get irritated with his attitude.

"Then we'll just have to convince her that she made the wrong choice!" Inwardly, though, my heart sank; if she really had left completely freely, then I had probably lost her forever.

"Why do you care?" asked Kenny.

"Because she's ruthless. She has the kind of energy and charisma that this team will need in order to succeed." While all that was true, I was specifically trying to avoid saying that I loved her. The others would probably see that as weak (except for Butters, who would probably think it was sweet. Lovesick bastard).

"That brings us to another crucial part of the plan," I continued. This was going to be a hard selling point. "In addition to taking over the world, we will need to teach the others, the ones who refused my offer, the error of their ways."

That took a few minutes to sink in. "What do you mean?" asked Ike.

"I mean, that it's because of people like them that we're having to carry out this plan in the first place. What part of 'whoever is not with us is against us' do you guys not get?"

Kenny frowned. "Just how much of a 'lesson' are you going to teach them?"

Butters's eyes suddenly went wide. "You're not going to…kill them, are you?"

I smiled. Naïve he may be, but he definitely had initiative sometimes. "No, Butters, I'm not going to kill them. That would be murder, and if we committed murder, we would be no better than our enemies. But remember, those guys know what we're up to; if they try to uncover our operation, then everything will be ruined. We have to prevent that from happening."

I meant what I said about not murdering anyone. Considering that Ike was Kyles' brother, and Kenny was close friends with Stan and Kyle, it wouldn't do to just bump them off. Granted, they might wish they were dead by the time I was through with them, and they might even try to take their own life, but if they did it would be their fault, not ours. But I (or rather, my team) would not actually touch a hair on their heads; if there was one thing that my run-in with Scott Tenorman had proven, it was that punishment was all about subtlety.

I quickly added. "Don't worry. I know that turning on your friends is a hard thing to do. That's why I'll be handling that part of the mission." Kenny looked at me with worry in his eyes, like it had just occurred to him how serious I was about this project.

"As I was saying, the first phase of my plan should—"

At that moment, we heard a chorus of police sirens above us. Our house was being raided!

"Alright, guys, stay quiet," I hissed. "Kenny, go check the window."

Kenny ran over and looked outside. "Cartman, the police are here and…they're taking your mom away!"

He pressed his ear against the glass. "Something about…drugs?"

"They must have found my mom's crack stash. They'll probably put her away for a long time; drug possession is very serious offense," I said.

"Your mom does crack? Since when?" Kenny demanded.

"Since she whores herself off for it on the street corner!" I had always known it was true, but it had never felt right to acknowledge it, since she was my mother. Now, since she was no longer my guardian, I didn't feel the need to hold back. Goodbye, mother. You have served me well, but now I have no further use for you.

Realization of what had just happened slowly dawned on them. "You arranged this?" Ike finally squeaked.


Kenny shook his head. "I can't believe you would frame your own mother with drug possession!"

"Who's framing anybody?" I pointed out. "She does have a crack stash. I just gave an anonymous tip to the police, and…made the drugs a little easier to find."

"You know what I meant!" Kenny insisted.
"It was necessary," I insisted. "I'm already eighteen, so I can legally own the house. With her gone, we can use this house as our base of operations without any interference. Now, our plans can go forward."

The four of them looked at each other, finally realizing that this wasn't another one of my childish schemes; I fully intended to keep my word to them. Fame and power were on the horizon.

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