Saturday, November 3, 2012

Hey Sexy Baby

Category: South Park
Author: NoseBridgePinch
Rated T because all my fics are rated T.
Synopsis: Clyde and Bebe think they have the costume contest in the bag as Gangnam Style ft Hyuna. But Wendy seems pissed off, alone in her Chewbacca costume. Clyde grabs his friend Keviin Stoley, the only other kid in a Star Wars costume, to cheer her up.
Note: Basically what Wendy and Bebe were doing while Stan's group had their Nightmare On Facetime Adventure.

The Shining.

The glitter. The sparkle. The shimmer. Sunshine! Bebe was a fan costumes with pizzazz. This was the reason she wore a dress with a flimsy bottom of white tulle with a glittery silver top with pride in the zero degree October weather. She even added a strawberry tint to her blonde hair to play the part.

The Halloween costume contests were more likely to be won in pairs. Bebe insisted this to Clyde, who had his heart set on a Gangnam Style costume. She tried to offer pairs like Romeo and Juliet. Cleopatra and Anthony. Bonnie and Clyde, jokingly. He didn't like any of those options since they all died together. Clyde and Bebe were held at a stalemate until he sent her the Gangnam Style Part Two video which featured a girl singing it. Bebe instantly fell in love with the idea. She did have the perfect dress for it after all. It was meant for a wedding she didn't go to last December, for reasons she couldn't recall. The only thing she had to do was buy the perfect shoes to go with the outfit. It was Halloween night and Bebe had gone trick or treating with Wendy. They had made their way around the neighborhood and were now walking to the Monster Mash.

Bebe hugged her red jacket around her as the two girls climbed up the stairs of the community center. Her feet were starting to ache and her bare legs under the flimsy silver dress would start to turn blue if they stood out here any longer. "It's so cold and my feet hurt."

"Well look at what you're wearing!" Wendy snapped. "I told you you'd regret going trick or treating in four inch heels."

Bebe stopped as they were about to enter the dance to rub one ankle against the other. “These shoes are worth it if I'm reusing outfits. I had to blow my entire Halloween costume budget on something shiny even if my feet have to pay the price.”

“Am I the only one who doesn't care about the shining?” Wendy said curtly as the two girls headed to the refreshment table.

“I guess.” Bebe said, recoiling slightly. She looked over the cupcakes, chips and popcorn, then grabbed for a cup of punch. "You've been on edge all day. What's wrong, Wendy?"

"Nothing." Wendy said as she grabbed for a cupcake. She let out a snarl that seemed fitting for the costume she chose, but Wendy's irritation had to be more than playing a part of a she-Chewbacca in purple.

"Come on you can tell me, I won't judge." Bebe said as she glanced longingly at the dance floor.

"Look at how happy everyone looks out there. Everyone has a partner except me. It has nothing to do with winning the costume contest. I've been fully capable of winning on my own three years in a row with this." Wendy gestured down to her outfit. "But it would be nice to have someone to dance with."

“Have we really been in fourth grade for three years? It seems longer.” Bebe hesitated to undo the snaps on her jacket since Wendy didn't look happy. But seeing her partner Clyde approach she had to take this opportunity. She opened the coat with the flourish of a burlesque dancer. The light that illuminated from the disco ball onto the dance floor had a nice shining effect on her costume. Bebe was pleasantly surprised she reflected back was not clear like the disco ball, but a multicolored crystalline light reflected off her thanks to her hair tint and shoes.

Bebe Stevens radiated motherfucking rainbows, man.

Bebe tried to think of something to say to Wendy, before she was grabbed in a hug and a kiss planted on her cheek. "Stop it, Clyde." She said as she playfully shoved him away. Not that she didn't fully enjoy it, but public displays of affection in front of Wendy wouldn't help her mood.

Clyde backed off but couldn't help but admire. "Oh come on, you look great and we look great together. Your partner idea on top of what I wanted to be will make that five hundred dollars ours."

Bebe smiled as the shiny rainbows that bounced off her sparkly top were equally reflected in the glittery lapel on Clyde's black Gangnam Style jacket and the stripe that ran down the outer seam of his pants.

Clyde Donovan even had rhinestones on his motherfucking sunglasses, man.

"Come on, let's do the Gangnam Style dance together." Clyde said excitedly as he tried to pull Bebe onto the dance floor.

"Clyde, please. What about Wendy?" Bebe said gesturing to her friend.

"The shining, the shining, the fucking shining." Wendy practically growled suiting the costume she was wearing.

"What's her problem?" Clyde asked his girlfriend quietly.

Wendy lifted her Chewbacca mask to glower at the glittery couple. "With all the insanity going on it town you don't stop and realize how boring and mediocre our own lives are? I mean look at the two of you, not only are your costumes are making me need sun glasses, but that's also a reminder I can't see my own boyfriend tonight."

Clyde took off his sunglasses, offering them to Wendy before she huffily turned away. "Why? Because whenever any of us background characters get near your boyfriend's group crazy shit happens?"

"I wasn't a background character at first. I got forced into the background, mostly because I was a girl. It’s fucking sexist." Wendy started sniffling and let her mask drop again.

Bebe reached into her trick or treat bag to pull out a tootsie pop with a tissue over the lollipop part to make it look like a mini ghost. "Here you go, use it however you wish."

"Thanks." Wendy took it and yanked off the tissue to dab her eyes before dropping the sucker in her own trick or treat bag.

Clyde looked Wendy up and down. Bebe prepared herself if Wendy decided to call him misogynistic.

Instead the boy snapped his fingers. "You have a Star Wars costume? I know the perfect person who'd love to dance with you. You guys could even enter the costume contest together."

"That's not what I meant, Clyde." Wendy hollered after him before he disappeared into the crowd.

Clyde returned a moment later with a shy, half Chinese, Han Solo. "This is my friend Kevin Stoley. Oddly enough we became friends on a plane ride to Somalia lead by Eric Cartman. So blame your boyfriend's group for that as well."

Kevin was shocked when his sometimes friend Clyde asked him to dance with one of Bebe's friends, let alone the unattainable Wendy Testaburger. She was way out of his league, but Kevin had to raise an eyebrow at Wendy's costume. "You're the first girl in a Star Wars costume I've seen who wasn't Princess Leia."

"Because I'm a girl I have to like Princess Leia? I always liked Chewbacca. He was so badass and loyal. It's a good pop culture reminder of always having someone be there for you, unlike some people I know."

"You mean Stan?" Bebe said quietly.

"Chewbacca is a prime example of undying loyalty to Han." Kevin looked down at what exact pair he and Wendy made. "He even sacrificed his life to save Han's son along with some refugees."

"I don't remember that from Star Wars." Clyde asked, puzzled.

"It's from the expanded universe, dude." Kevin said, wondering if he should even be talking about this in front of actual girls.

"There's an expanded universe? Awesome!" Clyde went to high five Kevin who returned it halfheartedly.

"Sometimes you watch all of a series and want more, anyone else get like that?" Kevin said to no one in particular.

"You guys are such dorks." Bebe laughed as she looked on, wondering the wall in front of them would crumble and disintegrate.

"You know when best friends show undying loyalty to each other that's noble." Wendy started. "But when it's a girl about a boy it's seen as crazy and possessive. You know how terrible it is to be seen like that?"

"That is sexist." Bebe said, stepping away from Clyde, who had his arm circled around her waist in loyalty to Wendy.

Kevin also tried to back away but his good "friend" Clyde pushed him forward. "Go on dude, maybe you can get some action while she's pissed off at her boyfriend or something." He whispered slyly.

Kevin had never been this close to Wendy or Bebe before. Bebe was everyone's obvious eye candy, but Wendy was attractive, smart, outspoken and a bit on the bossy side, which Kevin could admit he preferred. She also had a decent grip on Star Wars, maybe this could go somewhere.

"Hey look Stan just arrived, I think." Bebe pointed out.

As Kevin's heart sank, Wendy's spirits lifted a bit scanning the crowd for her on and off beloved. Wither she was going to give him a hug or a throttle him was left to the onlookers.

"Gangnam Stein, that's brilliant." Clyde breathed in. "That's more original than us, maybe we won't win."

"Well we are a pair that could work to our advantage. It's not like Wendy's the bride of Gangnam Stein or something." Bebe suggested.

"Something seems a little off about Stan. He's not that tall." Clyde said.

"He also keeps bumping into people. Maybe's he's drunk?" Kevin asked.

"I'm going to go talk to him." Wendy said, starting to leave.

"Shh, shh, the costume contest is starting.” Bebe said, pulling Wendy back.

Wendy shook Bebe's grip off of her. "No I want to try talking to Stan before something crazy hap-"

Suddenly a gruff voice started screaming about Blockbuster and the crowd started to scream and scatter, including Kevin. Clyde, being the gentleman he was, grabbed both Bebe and Wendy by the hands and ducked under the refreshment table with them.

The lights in the community center blacked out for a moment, to add to the spooky effects of Halloween night. Clyde and Bebe hugged under the table while Wendy scooted off to the side, her head bumping the table and causing some of the refreshments to spill on the floor.

Wendy cried out in pain but was muffled from the sound of gunfire from outside. Suddenly the lights came on again. The three crawled back out to observe the mess around them. Butters was hiding in a nearby alcove, watching from a window, when he spotted the three.

"Wendy, check it out." Butters said nervously.

"We get it, you're a leprechaun who's been bitten by a werewolf." Wendy said, trying to shake off the chip crumbles and cheeto dust that had spilled onto her costume, while rubbing her head.

“It's not that, it’s Stan. I think he’s dying.” Butters said sadly.

“What!” Wendy shrieked as she grabbed Butters and ran outside.

The community center was completely empty now. Clyde crawled out from under the table and helped Bebe stand up. "You have some cupcake frosting in your hair."

"Thanks." Bebe said, starting to wipe it off with a napkin than had fallen to the floor, noticing some of the strawberry blonde hair dye was also coming out. "Sorry we didn't get to do the Gangnam Style dance together."

"It's fine, as long as you’re safe. This makes me think of the other costume choices you wanted. The couples who died together, it's so tragic." Clyde's bottom lip started to quiver until he burst into tears. "I hope Stan's okay!"

Bebe rolled her eyes, her boyfriend was handsome and caring but sometimes she wondered about him.

"Am I the only one who realized Stan was on his iPad this whole time?" Bebe muttered as handed Clyde another napkin from the floor.


  1. Very first line: phfphphahahaha! Nice one!

    All kinds of neat stuff in this one-shot: being in fourth grade for three years, Clyde acknowledging himself as a background characters, and especially the Star Wars EU as a metphor for the South Park fandom. You and John always find ways of incorporating (often scathing) commentary on the fandom in your stories.

    Wendy seems a bit hung up on the gender double-standards, even more so than usual. Have you always characterized Wendy this way (and I somehow didn't notice) or is this a new thing?

    And it's funny how it's Bebe (rather than the "Only Sane Girl" Wendy) who says, "Dude, Stan was on his iPad."

    In summary: I loved it!

    P.S. I hope you don't mind if I just leave my reviews here instead of duplicating them over on

    1. I assumed you stopped reviewing on FFnet since you said so in your profile, I got equally as cocky over there. But if I post my new work here I get an guranteed review from you, so you not reviewing over there is incentive for me to keep checking here. All your other authors don't post as much.

      I loved A Nightmare On Facetime for reasons if you cared to know, you could dig around on John's forum (basically reminded me of AA) In short expect pages of fic from me based on elements of that episode. On the other hand, John didn't get the joke and thought Randy's plot sucked until the internet exploded with LOL I LOVE THE SHINING. Then he decided he hated the movie The Shining for the overhype, so Wendy's annoyance is me refrencing his NOFT reaction.

      Also we were talking about sexism and I guess that sunk into my Wendy. If it was annoying I'm sorry. I normally don't have her latch onto that stuff.

      Bebe usually gets smacked with 'dumb blonde' so I thought I'd make her the female Stan (only sane woman) since, again we were discussing Wendy being the female Kyle with her anger and stuff.

      Thanks for reading!

    2. It wasn't really annoying: in fact, it could easily be in character. I just haven't seen it a lot from your writing, and I know you've lately been on a "Wendy and the girls" run, so I'm thinking there's a chance I'll see more of it.

      While my friends and I were watching "A Nightmare on Facetime," it occurred to us how odd it was that SP had never done a Shining parody before this.