Monday, July 23, 2012

A Marsh Family Thanksgiving "Chapter Two: Meet The Kimbles"

Category: South Park
Authors: John-SP150 as Kenny and NoseBridgePinch as Stan 
Fan Art: John-SP150
Rated T for swearing, violence, perversion on Kenny's part and underage drinking on Stan's part.
Synopsis: The Marsh family is having a reunion for the holiday. Stan's realitives are causing him a great deal of worry. In additon to dealing with his parents, sister, grandfather, Uncle Jimbo and Ned, Stan must also deal with his Uncle Dean, Aunt Joanne and cousin Stephanie. Hopefully Kenny can help ease things, right?

The street sign that stated Bonanza Street and Avenue Des Los Mexicanos was always the cut off when the boys were walking home. Stan and Kenny would always turn west towards their houses while Kyle would head north towards his house. Stan and Kenny both said goodbye to Kyle and Marvin, "Are you sure your mom won't get mad for letting Marvin stay with you?"

"No way, dude, she'll probably see it as doing good. Come on, Marvin, I'm sure you'll want to meet my brother!" Kyle grinned.

"Later then!" Stan waved as he and Kenny turned down the street to their houses. They didn't walk too far down the street when Stan noticed an unfamiliar car in front of his house, "Huh? Oh shit, are we having people over for Thanksgiving? Nice of my parents to give me a warning!" Stan rolled his eyes. Kenny laughed, "Shut up, Kenny, it's not funny, dude."

"Fft, you're lucky you even fucking know your relatives. My mom's parents still refuse to even talk to us." Kenny laughed again, much to Stan's annoyance.

"Well let's go see what's going on; hopefully it's just Uncle Jimbo and Ned." Stan said as he walked to the house, Kenny following him. He didn't know much of his family besides his father's side - but they were always around. The fact Jimbo and Randy were brothers seemed almost irrelevant at this point.

"Whatever, dude." Kenny said as they reached the stoop. Stan passed him the key and he opened up the front door. 

Stan entered the house to be met with his father, Uncle Jimbo and Ned on the couch. All three were currently engaged in the football game on the TV and screaming at the screen. shaking their fists eagerly,

"Go, Go, Go, Go! Awh, son of a bitch!" His father did not look away from the screen as he asked, "Hey, son, how was school?"

"It was okay, Dad." Stan eyed the beer can in his dad's hand - he seemed pretty distracted: perfect. "Do you think you can sign something from school for me, Dad? It's not a big deal or anything."

Stan started to pull out his report card and a pen when his dad rose from the couch and started screaming at the television again. "COME ON BRONCOS WE CAN DO IT!" He threw his beer can at the screen and splashed a bit of it on the report card Stan was trying to hand him.

"Dad, watch it! I have to turn that in." Stan said with annoyance, pulling back the report card. Ugh. Maybe now wasn't the best time for this.

"Sorry, son, you think you could get me another beer?" Randy asked with that typical childish smile.

"Fine." Stan rolled his eyes and continued onto the kitchen leaving Kenny behind. Uncle Jimbo eyed his nephew's friend.

"Kenny, my boy, long time, no see! How have things been?"

"Pretty fuckin' good." Kenny answered semi-truthfully. He had just been taken from and returned to his parents in the span of a week - the end results were pretty good. Even if he had been killed by some mysterious creature nobody remembered, "How's the Gun Shop? The TV show?"

"Oh, everything's going fine with the shop. Huntin' and Killin' got cancelled a long time ago, son. Now all the Public Access Channel does is air news programs all day since Jesus & Pals ended." Jimbo sighed, "You should watch the game with us, the Broncos are climbin' back up... slowly..."

Kenny thought for a moment, "Okay!" It wasn't like there was going to be a Thanksgiving dinner at his house until late in the night anyway. He flopped on the couch by Jimbo and Ned, "Do I get a beer, too?"

"Eh, why the hell not? It is Thanksgivin' after all! Hey Stan, mind fetching a second beer while you're up?" Jimbo called into the kitchen.

"Mmm, come on Broncos, you can do it!" Ned called at the television.

Stan sighed and passed through the kitchen all the way into the garage to sneak into where his dad kept the hard liquor. He figured since he wasn't going to get rid of his dad's relatives anytime soon he might as well do something to tolerate it. He opened his dad's garage ice cooler and grabbed a bottle of Jameson Irish Whiskey when he felt someone come up behind him. "Stanley what are you doing?" Sharon Marsh stood behind her son, hands on her hips and her typical frown on her face.

"Nothing, Mom, Dad... wanted me to bring him this." He gave his mom a sheepish grin and held up the bottle.

"Its four-o'-clock in the afternoon and your father already wants to get into that? How about you help me in the kitchen instead, Stanley? You always loved spending time with me, right, son?" 

Stan thought back to his beer stained report card left near his dad; he could ask his mom to sign it but she would actually look and scold him over his math grade although she hadn't caught him drinking, "Sure Mom, what did you have in mind?"

Sharon lead Stanley through the garage door into the laundry room in back of the house, opened the dryer and shoved a bunch of sheets and blankets into her son's arms. "Go strip and change the sheets in the guest bedroom, and drop off the pink twin sized sheets to your sister. We're going to have visitors coming for the holidays."

"Awh, what? Mom, come on, you didn't tell me anything about this." Stan said with annoyance as he held on to the sheets and blankets, "I thought it was just going to be us, Dad, Shelly and maybe Grandpa!" Oi. Why didn't his parents ever like to warn him about this stuff?

"We're going to have a nice family Thanksgiving, Stanley." Sharon scolded him, "Your Uncle Jimbo and Ned came, and your grandfather's upstairs, and your Uncle Dean and Aunt Joanne are on their way with Cousin Stephanie. Your grandma couldn't make it because she's still in the hospital, poor thing..."

"Uncle Dean and Aunt Joanne? Aw, mom, they haven't been around since I was, like, six! I don't even remember them! Do you have any idea how awkward this is going to be?" he said in anger.

"Stanley Parker Marsh, don't use that tone of voice with me! My brother's family is coming here for Thanksgiving and that is final!" she told him, then shook her head, "Stanley, I'm sorry, Mommy doesn't mean to be angry with you but I have a lot of work to do today for dinner and your father isn't exactly being helpful..." she said, "Look, just treat your aunt and uncle with the same love and respect you give your Uncle Jimbo and Ned, okay?"

Stan sighed and nodded "Fine, Mom..." She glared a little, still annoyed with his tone, "I'll go take care of the stupid sheets." he added as he went through the kitchen and then upstairs into the guest room.

He entered the rarely used guest room. Most of the furniture in there was a mismatch of crap that didn't fit anywhere else in the house, mostly stuff from when he and Shelly were babies. Old, babyish, pink book shelves, a rickety old queen sized bed, Stan's own crib with peeling paint sat in the corner, stacks of old papers and knick knacks were in it. The only used the room occasionally when his dad's drinking buddies couldn't drive and had to crash there for the night. 
Stan pulled back the comforter to be met with a nasty yellowish stain, hopefully puke from the last person who stayed there. He cursed under his breath with disgust as he quickly took off the sheets and replaced them with the clean ones. He grabbed the dirty sheets and headed towards his sister's room, but his dad caught him on his way past the stairs, "Hey, Stan, did you get my beer?"

"Mm, what about Kenny's beer?" asked Ned, looking up for just a moment before his eyes returned to the football game before him.

"No, Mom made me help her." he said through the sheets and towards the men.

Uncle Jimbo shook his head. "You need to learn how to treat your parent's guests with respect Stanley! Poor Kenny deserves a beer." 

Even Kenny was looking pointedly at Stan, even if Stan knew Kenny was about to burst into laughter at any moment. Stan looked down the stairs at his father's relatives and at the nasty sheets in his hands, and he went to the railing and threw the old sheets over the edge, hoping the puke part landed right where his dad was sitting.

"Augh! Jimbo, what happened to the game? Did someone turn the TV off?" Randy was never the sharpest pencil in the box, but this wasn't a shining moment for him regardless.

"I... I don't know, it's like we've all three been suddenly blinded!" Jimbo looked around, "Stanley, help us, we're under attack! Ned, find your-" BANG. BANG. BANG. Suddenly there were bullet holes throughout the sheet. "Oh, it's just a sheet... Ned, you can put the rifle away."

"Mmm, maybe I don't want to." Ned justified, although he put it away anyway. He looked up at Stan with Jimbo and Randy, "Mm, could you come take care of this stupid sheet?"

Stan stared down at his relatives; they were all so fucking stupid. With the nasty sheet pulled back Kenny was curled up in a ball between Jimbo and Ned, bullet holes in the couch just inches away from his body, the strings of his hoodie pulled tight. Kenny quickly checked himself for injury and quickly jumped up, following Stan up the stairs. "I'm sorry, dude, I'll stay with you. You didn't have to try and get me killed, Stan."

"What do you mean, kill you? I dropped the sheets, it was an accident." Stan justified for himself, but Kenny was still pressing,

"I'll just stick by your side the rest of the weekend. No jealousy." Kenny said quickly, hoping to secure safety with him and mooch off his friends' strange ability to... well, live.

"Jealousy? What do you mean the rest of the weekend?"

"Well, your uncle was so happy to see me again he invited me to eat dinner with your family tomorrow. I don't have any better choices so I accepted. They even wanted me to spend the night. What do you want to do first, Stan?" Kenny asked excitedly.

"I don't know. Mom's probably going to want help in the kitchen, but my Uncle and Aunt are on their way so I might be on door duty, but dad and Uncle Jimbo do want their beers... hell if I really know, dude." Stan shrugged finally. 

Before he could add anything, Kenny grinned wildly. "I'd love to help your mom in the kitchen, Stan. I hope she doesn't get any boiling water all over her shirt or anything. She might have to take it off."

Stan facepalmed at his friend's perversion. "Goddammit, Kenny, don't you have anywhere else to be for Thanksgiving?"

"No, Stan. Right now my dad and brother are probably drunk and fighting, my sister's probably in her closet reading a comic book or something with a flashlight, and my mother's probably already passed out from drinking overnight. All they're going to have for Thanksgiving dinner is a can of green beans or creamed corn that tastes like shit, and then Mom's going to blame Dad for the lack of food, or the other way around, it doesn't even matter, and then Kevin'll jump in and yell at Dad, and then Karen'll cry and they'll tell her to shut up, and then-"

"Okay, okay, fine, I get it, Kenny, your life sucks. Fine, you can stick around but stay quiet, okay?" Kenny nodded, "Good."

Stan hadn't thrown all the sheets over the railing. He eyed the pale pink ones that belonged to Shelly. "You wanna know how it is to be a part of the Marsh family Kenny? Fine. Go give these to Shelly." Stan shoved the sheets into Kenny's hands and pointed at his sister's door. "I'll wait here. See if you can actually survive that."

Kenny nodded and knocked on Shelly's door, the loud pop music that always seemed to blast through the door was lowered. "What?"

Kenny looked back at Stan with wide eyes. "Your laundry service, Miss." The door swung open and Stan observed with some surprise Kenny going through the door and it slamming shut behind him. Oh well, it was Kenny's funeral. Stan waited, checking the time on the clock in the hall. Five minutes slowly passed and the only thing that was different was the music had switched back on; Stan went up to the door and put his ear against it. He could have sworn he heard giggling. Not wanting to get into that, he headed downstairs and went straight to the kitchen, anticipating another beer run.

"Here you go." he quickly tossed beers to Jimbo, Ned and Randy, who all grinned and thanked him, then quickly began drinking as they watched the game, "Yeah, you're welcome." He then went upstairs to see Kenny had not come out of Shelly's room yet. What the hell? It'd been ten minutes now. Jesus. Should he burst in? What if Kenny was being beaten to death? He couldn't afford to lose Kenny.

Reluctantly, Stan opened the door and came in to rescue Kenny... only to see him on his stomach holding an Xbox controller next to Shelly, "You're good at this Settlers of Catan game." Kenny noted, not even having noticed Stan's arrival.

"Thanksh." she smiled, then noticed something, "My turd shenshe ish tingling..." she turned around and glared at her brother, "Get out of my room!"

"Oh, but I, uh, need Kenny's help with something...?" he lied. Shelly rolled her eyes and looked over at Kenny, as if to question him, but Kenny shrugged, and winked, 

"Be back later, Shell!" Kenny said flirtatiously before walking out with Stan, leaving Shelly bewildered and confused for a moment. "So what was it, dude?" 

"How did you-" RING. RING. "Aw, shit, that must be Uncle Dean and Aunt Joanne." Stan nosebridgepinched as Shelly's door opened and she walked out, glaring at him. Old habits die hard, it seems.

"Go get the door, turd!" Shelly called. Stan sighed, glaring at her, feeling a little more confident than usual.

"Why don't you get the door, Shelly?" Shelly gave Kenny a look, then grabbed him by the legs and swung him into Stan, knocking Stan down the stairs and into the front door, before setting Kenny back down gently on his feet. Stan rubbed his head, then got up and unlocked the door, opening it to see his relatives, "Um hi, Happy Thanksgiving."

Dean S. Kimble looked a little younger than Stan's father, with jeans and a green work-shirt under a heavy brown leather jacket not unlike Randy's, and dark brown hair that was a little messy, but still maintained. Next to him was Joanne R. Kimble, a woman who looked about the same age, perhaps younger, with dark brown hair to her waist, some resting on her shoulders, wearing a brown trench coat over a pink-and-purple blouse and teal pants, and holding on to a blue handbag. And at their feet was Stephanie Kimble, a little girl in a yellow jacket with red trim and blue pants, whose gaze avoided her cousin, with curly auburn hair.

"Stanley!" Aunt Joanne swept her nephew into a tight hug that lifted him off the ground. "How is my little nephew? Auntie Joanne missed you, baby!" Stan struggled to get out of his aunts iron grip around his neck. He could hear Kenny's muffled hysterical laughter coming from somewhere in the room. Dick. Finally Uncle Dean tapped his wife on the shoulder,

"Now, honey, don't smother the poor boy, I want to say hi to him, too."

"But young boys need lots of love and reassurance from the female figures in their lives." Aunt Joanne sighed but reluctantly let her nephew go. Stan coughed and rubbed his neck as well as his head. The female figures in his life seemed to be constantly kicking his ass it seemed.

"Hi Aunt Joanne, Uncle Dean, Stephanie." His cousin glared at him from behind her parents. Aunt Joanne got down on her knees.

"It's been far too long, Stanley. You've grown up so much. You know you'll always be an adorable little boy to me though. Did you hurt your head? Maybe I should take care of you. Where is your mother?"

"No, Aunt Joanne, it's fine, you don't need to coddle me so much. Mom's in the kitchen working on dinner I think, she was doing the laundry earlier though..." Stan told her quickly, God, were all of his relatives freaks? Guess it wasn't just the Marsh family genes after all.

Aunt Joanne gave Stan one last pat on his head and walked back towards the kitchen, casting a cool glare at Randy, Jimbo and Ned. She had always looked up to her husband's older sister but the one disappointment in her eyes was the man Sharon had chosen to marry. Randy Marsh might had been cool when Sharon fell for him in high school but now, almost twenty years later, she thought her brother in law was nothing but a stupid drunk and a bad influence, who shouldn't be around his own children.

Of course she would never say this to Randy's face, but Sharon often heard over the phone from Joanne it was time she got over her teenage rebellion phase. Sharon tolerated her brother's wife, wanting to keep the family together and often used to putting up with difficult people she loved. Sharon felt at times her and Joanne's relationship would had never improved had Stan not been born.

"So Stan, how are you, champ?" Uncle Dean grinned, "I haven't seen you in years. Whatever happened to that little pink-and-blue poofball hat you used to have?" Stan rolled his eyes - he'd preferred red-and-blue, "You should drop by Park County Community College sometime and visit, huh?" Just what Stan wanted to hear about - boring lectures at a stupid college, "You remember your cousin, Scarlett?"

"Stephanie." corrected the girl, who sighed, taking the A Series of Unfortunate Events book out from under her arm and opening it to read.

"Oh, Joanne and I brought you a bunch of gifts for later since we couldn't make it for your birthday." he smiled, "A whole month of being ten, huh? You know you'll always be our little nephew! How's being ten years old treating you so far though?"

"Oh, well first everything in the entire universe turned to shit, and then my dad became a Tween Wave icon, and then all my friends abandoned me and I was diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, a duck became President, I got to meet Morpheus from The Matrix, a bunch of Fast Food restaurant CEO's tried to kill me, my parents divorced and remarried, and now I'm an alcoholic."

Uncle Dean chuckled and ruffled his nephew's hair, knocking his hat askew. "That's my boy, always one for making up excellent stories. The Asperger's and alcoholic part especially. See Scarlett? You just sit around reading stories while your cousin can make up his own!" Dean then turned and sat down on the couch by his brothers-in-law.

"I didn't make any of that up!" Stan called after his Uncle, who was now engaging in a jovial conversation with Randy about the football game.

"My name is Stephanie, Dad!" Stan's cousin shot him a poisonous look, "You think you're so wonderful don't you, Stanley Marsh, I hope you turn out as bad as my mom says your dad is!" 

Before Stan could reply, she turned on her heel and followed her mom into the kitchen where Aunt Sharon was.

Randy scooted over to make room for Dean on the couch called out after his niece. "Hey. little girl, mind getting your Uncle Randy a fresh beer?" With that, Aunt Joanne came back out, the look on her face for Randy matching the one her daughter had for Stan.

"Oh no, you will not have my child engage in helping you with your filthy behavior. You probably don't even realize the damage you're doing to her fragile female psyche! You're lucky you have a son who can handle that sort of thing better!"

Randy sat back against the couch, next to the fresh bullet holes. "Um, come again?"

"You didn't even understand a word I just said did you! I can't believe you remarried him again Sharon! Not only do I have a masters in early childhood psychology but I have seen firsthand experience of how addiction can tear a family apart! I've never touched alcohol or smoked and my family turned out just fine!" Stan could see Stephanie look up from reading at the kitchen table and roll her eyes before going back to her book.

"Of course I understand! I'm, uh, damaging her... brain... but Stan's brain is okay!" Randy said with annoyance, trying to argue in his favor, "Like, duh, of course I knew that! I'm no bad influence on your kid! I raised Stan and look how great he turned out! He just has a developmental disorder but otherwise he's fine!" 

Joanne turned back into the kitchen, came back with a plate, and proceeded to drop it. "A developmental disorder! Obviously the years of your drinking and your emotional abuse has taken a toll on the poor boy!" Joanne ran forward and picked up Stan, hugging her so tightly against his body he was feeling some serious claustrophobia, "Poor Stanley, how do you endure living with this... man-child? Your poor, sweet little thing, it's okay, Auntie Jo will make it all better!" she said, looking and glaring at Randy, "What disorder does he have?"

"Mmm isn't it the one named after a sandwich?" Ned asked, taking a sip from his beer, as with the commercials on, he was no longer entranced by the game.

"No, Ned, I think it's that one named after a rear end." Jimbo chuckled, "Heheh, rear end. Who'd name a disease something like that? That's just mean..."

"Oh right, I remember now, Ass Burgers!" Randy snapped his fingers, "That's one, Ass Burgers!" 

Joanne put Stan down, returned to the kitchen, opened the refrigerator door, took out a carton of milk, then opened the cabinet, took out a glass, poured milk into it, put the carton back, and drank the milk. And then, she spat it all out. "ASPERGER'S SYNDROME?"

Sharon appeared behind Joanne finally getting sick of all the commotion. "Randy calm down! I had to tell Stanley to treat my family with respect, I shouldn't have to tell you.' She gave her sister in law another stern look, but trying to make peace. "Joanne, please stop wasting the milk. I need to save it to make Stanley's favorite potato dish for tomorrow."

"How can you let an Asperger's Syndrome diagnosis slip by until he was ten years old? Sharon I could have helped you with that!"

"I think it was a misdiagnosis, Joanne, Stanley is perfectly fine."

"But you need a second opinion at least!" Joanne said, panicking slightly until her husband rose up from the couch,

"Joanne, honey, I think you should be the one to calm down. You owe Randy, Sharon and Stanley all an apology. This is their house after all. Come on; let's go have a nice talk out in the front yard. I think we owe a certain boy a birthday present or two anyway." Uncle Dean took Aunt Joanne's hand and led her out to the car, winking at his nephew. Maybe his Uncle was the okay one on his mom's side of the family.

"Sharon, why'd you have to invite your relatives?" Randy asked, crossing his arms, but Sharon put up a hand, not willing to hear any of it. He crossed his arms and looked to Jimbo and Ned, "Either of you know what this Asperger's thing is anyway?" 

Stan rolled his eyes, ignoring the adults and walking upstairs to find Kenny - Shelly's door was closed again. "Awh, dude, weak!" 

Before he could open the door he heard a voice, "Billy, is that you? Billy, this is Grandpa, you gotta let me out of here. Your father locked me in my bedroom and took away my cane and my wheelchair." Would his father really be so cruel? "How am I supposed to kill myself with nothing but a bed, a dresser that's bolted to the ground and locked windows?" Maybe his dad was right.

"Uhh, I don't have a key, Grandpa, how about I just go get Dad?" Stan walked loudly in place to give the illusion of leaving, then pressed his ear to Shelly's door to make out Kenny and Shelly's voices.

"What a little cocksucker..." he heard his Grandpa mumble. Asshole.

Stan kept quiet until his grandpa's ranting died down. Maybe later he'd drop off a beer into grandpa's room to keep him occupied; right now he had more pressing matters. What the hell could Kenny possibly be doing with his sister in there; Stan had his own Xbox in his room. Kenny sure didn't waste any time making himself at home. Stan had half a mind to go hang around Kenny's house to see how he liked it, but remembering last Christmas made him stop from finishing that thought. Suddenly another ugly thought crossed his mind. He had to get Kenny away from Shelly, nothing would be worse than his second best friend fooling around with his sister.

Well one thing would be worse... Stan hurriedly pounded on his sister's door. "Kenny! My mom wants you to help in the kitchen she's..." Stan nosebridgepinched for what was about to come out of his mouth. "She needs help boiling spaghetti noodles!" 

The door burst open as Kenny ran down the stairs as if he was going to win a million dollars. Stan was somewhat shocked that had worked so well.

"Ugh, turd, why do you alwaysh have to shcare off all the deshent people who show up with your shtupid turdly derpedlynesh... Jeshush fucking Chrisht..." Shelly sighed, turning off her Xbox, "Do you need shomething, or are you bothering me jusht for shitsh and gigglesh?"

Stan narrowed his eyes. Some things were worth severe beatings. "Stay away from Kenny for the rest of his stay here. He's my friend and my guest, you got that?" Shelly started to get up cracking her knuckles, Stan grabbed her laundry basket and overturning it, hoping it would slow her down a bit. He bolted down the stairs. She couldn't hit him too hard if his parents were there. He wondered what Aunt Joanne would think of how Shelly treated him. Maybe she could get Shelly to stop all together.

"Stanley, there you are!" Sharon said, "Your aunt and uncle just came in with your birthday presents!" she grinned, leading Stan into the front room - Ned, Jimbo, Randy and Dean sat on the couch, Joanne in the middle, and they had several boxes for him. Stephanie was reading in the corner. "Well, open one up, Stanley!" 

He opened up a small box quickly, "What the hell is this?" Stan held out a lacy pink skirt, "Uhh, Aunt Joanne did you accidentally pack me one of your skirts or something?" 

Joanne giggled like a schoolgirl at this, although Jimbo looked at Randy more like a concerned parent than Randy himself looked, "Actually, your Uncle Dean got that for you!" she said, giggling. 

Stan looked down, and then pushed it aside, proceeding to the next present, Sharon opened her mouth but Joanne stopped her, "Sharon, he's just excited to see his gifts. He can thank us afterwards." Stan didn't plan on thanking anyone for a skirt. He shook the box - this was legos! It had to be! He tore the paper - no. Duplo blocks. Those giant 'kid-friendly' legoes.

"No..." Stan tossed it aside and opened the next box, tearing the wrapping paper to see a knockoff Barbie doll and a pink unicorn with rainbow laces, "Aw, come on, what am I, fucking five?" 

Sharon stepped forward, looking quite furious but Dean got up and put his hands on her shoulders, "Come on, sis, it's perfectly natural for him to react like this." Sharon raised an eyebrow as he let one arm fall and took her a little aside from the others, "Clearly, your son has been brought up in a male-dominated household, isn't comfortable with his gender, and needs to explore his feminine side more to achieve a better balance and a sense of self. He thinks he has to be a certain way, and he needs to learn he can be whatever he wants to be. Being a man doesn't mean you should be afraid of feminine things."

"...Dean, this is far from a male-dominant household. In case, you haven't noticed, most of the house is purple." Sharon put her hands on her hips, raising an eyebrow at her brother,

"Come on, sis, it's perfectly natural for him to react like this." Sharon raised an eyebrow as he let one arm fall and took her a little aside from the others, "Clearly, your son has been brought up in a male-dominated household, isn't comfortable with his gender, and needs to explore his feminine side more to achieve a better balance and a sense of self. He thinks he has to be a certain way, and he needs to learn he can be whatever he wants to be. Being a man doesn't mean you should be afraid of feminine things."

"...oh, Dean, for God's sake, are you wearing those fucking rainbow tube socks again?" Sharon asked angrily, crossing her arms, "You will not come into my house and tell me how to raise my child, do you hear me?" she sighed, "Look, you're family, and you're always welcome in this house, and I can't morally stop you from seeing your nephews and nieces - what kind of a parent would I be then? - but don't you tell me how to raise my kids. Remember Dean." Sharon's eyes narrowed, "Old habits die hard."

Stan, meanwhile, reached his fourth and final gift, the biggest, tearing off the wrapping paper absentmindedly when to his shock, "Holy shit, a Kinect for the Xbox? AND a copy of Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3? Thanks Uncle Dean and Aunt Joanne!" He grinned with glee. Okay, three duds, but at least the good gift was freakin' sweet. Maybe things could work out with the Kimbles? 

Stan looked in awe and started pulling the cellophane off the Kinect box. Sharon also looked in shock at the expensive gift her brother had gotten for her son. "What do you say, Stanley?"

"Are you sure the other three gifts aren't for Shelly?" he asked honestly.


Stan smiled, "Kidding. Thank you, Uncle Dean, Aunt Joanne and Stephanie. I really appreciate it."

"Just don't appreciate it too much, Stan." Jimbo mumbled under his breath as he went to get another beer.

Shelly had been enjoying her brother getting shitty gifts but instantly grew angry at the Kinect system. She didn't have one. "Hey what about me?"

Aunt Joanne put her hand over her mouth, "Oh dear, it seems we forgot Shelly..."

"No problem." Uncle Dean took out his wallet and handed Shelly a $50 bill. "Have fun!"

"Wow thanksh!" Shelly gave her Aunt and Uncle a quick hug and then was gone, leaving Kenny standing in the corner. Uncle Dean took notice of him for the first time.

"And who are you?"

"I'm Kenny, the honorary nephew!"

"Oh well, here you go." Kenny couldn't believe his luck as another $50 bill was placed in his hand.

"Now go enjoy yourself, kid!"

Kenny's eyes grew wide and he let out a loud "Who hoo!" Both Uncle Dean and Aunt Joanne beamed. "All is well then! Let's go eat!"

The family shuffled into the kitchen, leaving Kenny and Jimbo behind. Jimbo opened his own wallet and gave Kenny a $20 bill, whispering "That's from me and Ned Kenny, now make sure you get rid of the skirt before Stanley gets any weird ideas with it. Bad enough I'm getting him a tranquilizer hunting gun for Christmas..."

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